dimanche, mars 04, 2007
♥ why am i a christian
ahh!!! blogger is so laggy today!! ):
woo! cruise was FUN (: will update on it another day~
neways, today's edge was amazing. sis yenfan was the speaker. the very 1st qns shook me ):
"why are you a christian?"
like some, i'm the second generation christian. which means my parents are christians, they bring us to church and *poof* we became christians. of cos, this isn't the way.. we're supposed to say the sinners prayer and believe in it. i've said 'em in CW (carpenters workshop), said 'em during edge, said 'em during services too. it's probably cos i'm not sure. not sure whether i said it from my heart, not sure whether i believed whatever i said. you know what's the [probably] bad thingy about being a second generation christian? is that we will never understand what's the life outside, not being a christian. thus, some often backslide from christianity, in order to enjoy life. sometimes, these ppl would probably have a harder time returning back to Jesus. cos they already have the bg of what's a christian and it'll be naturally tough to return cos they're enjoying life. no restrictions.
i've been like this once when i was in P4 ): ya lah, primary school nia, what's the big deal right. but i really need to thank God. storytime =D (dunno whether got hear b4 not..)
i had great pals when i was in p4! yea, really loved them to bits then. we wrote letters, talked on the phone, stayover at one another's place after school, practically do anything tgt~ i wasn't a good example of a christian then. duh, i didn't cared about being one lah. we would go to arcades (that explains why i dun wna go to arcades) using the $$ we kope from parents. the most i koped was ard $150 bah. buy gifts for one another using the money (shop keepers cheat our $$ lor) and sometimes, i'll be initiating to actually shoplift can! what an example lah. once, we shoplift up to hundreds of dollars. omg! that's when i got the whole day to steal. i actually played truancy ): i actually wanted to try smoking when i was at my fren's place cos her bro smokes, but i think i wasn't allowed or i was scared to try. haha.. when frens asked y i didn turn up for sch, i just said "stomach ache". when t'chers asked for MC/letter, i just said "FORGOT TO BRING" which was so untrue cos i didn't managed to dupe my mama into giving me her signature ): and then after that, i still skipped school for 2 days! i still rmb the day i got caught... sch mini funfair, my P5 aft called me in to the general office and she called my mama ): ya, that's how both my parents and t'chers realised i was lying to them all the while. haiz. what a "fun"fair. and these pals kept encouraging me by cursing that t'cher lah. LOL. they were great lah. bcos of them, i went for P5 camp. and bcos of them, i hated P5 camp so much. yea, cos i was hurt emotionally. painful. not only in school, even in church. i really hated them for treating me like that. yea, what is it which affect this whole friendship thingy right? it's bcos of smth stupid. real stupid. not only last week, did i finally managed to let these go. this bondage. haiz. but if i were to look at the other angle, i'm really grateful to God. whatever He had done to me then, it came at the right time. =D if i'm still sticking to them during secondary schooldays, i can bet a million dollars that i will live in regrets! cos all of them ain't doing well either. one quit school when she was in sec 2, one repeated sec3 NA, another was in sec1 express, den sec2 NA, den sec3 NT, den repeated sec3. another in NA thru-out 4 yrs, and didn't do well for N. etc. i can never imagine myself. u know the happiness i felt when i managed to get into express for PSLE. cos they were still my classmates and all of them couldn make it to express (: i tot to myself that i don't hafta see them anymore!! many things in secondary school, esp during sec 1&2 days. i didn't change at all. i continued shoplifting ):
the time when i changed completely? when i meet rachel in sec3. she was my pillar of strength and encouragement. like i mentioned, i was supposed to retain when i was in sec3 cos i calculated that i didn managed to get the 3 subj pass criteria. we worked tgt at ETY some where during OCT`05, and patrick asked smth like "next yr O lvl hor" I wanted to tell him so much that i'll take in 2 yrs time while rachel takes it next yr. i was super pessimistic (oops). but rachel told him and assured me that we'll take Os tgt next yr! what a good encouragement! whereas i protrayed myself as a bad christian. instead of encouraging her, i would suan her, put her down. i showed my true colours. even i didn't know. come to think of it, i hate myself for being such a person. i would show my temper, say vulgarities, and then i'll still say i'm a christian. what's a christian in her eyes now? it seems no difference from being a non-christian. i know that whatever i do, be it sms-ing, calling, chatting online, etc, this friendship will never be the same anymore. cos of me.
so why am i a christian? to find love from God. to find acceptance from Him.
woo! cruise was FUN (: will update on it another day~
neways, today's edge was amazing. sis yenfan was the speaker. the very 1st qns shook me ):
"why are you a christian?"
like some, i'm the second generation christian. which means my parents are christians, they bring us to church and *poof* we became christians. of cos, this isn't the way.. we're supposed to say the sinners prayer and believe in it. i've said 'em in CW (carpenters workshop), said 'em during edge, said 'em during services too. it's probably cos i'm not sure. not sure whether i said it from my heart, not sure whether i believed whatever i said. you know what's the [probably] bad thingy about being a second generation christian? is that we will never understand what's the life outside, not being a christian. thus, some often backslide from christianity, in order to enjoy life. sometimes, these ppl would probably have a harder time returning back to Jesus. cos they already have the bg of what's a christian and it'll be naturally tough to return cos they're enjoying life. no restrictions.
i've been like this once when i was in P4 ): ya lah, primary school nia, what's the big deal right. but i really need to thank God. storytime =D (dunno whether got hear b4 not..)
i had great pals when i was in p4! yea, really loved them to bits then. we wrote letters, talked on the phone, stayover at one another's place after school, practically do anything tgt~ i wasn't a good example of a christian then. duh, i didn't cared about being one lah. we would go to arcades (that explains why i dun wna go to arcades) using the $$ we kope from parents. the most i koped was ard $150 bah. buy gifts for one another using the money (shop keepers cheat our $$ lor) and sometimes, i'll be initiating to actually shoplift can! what an example lah. once, we shoplift up to hundreds of dollars. omg! that's when i got the whole day to steal. i actually played truancy ): i actually wanted to try smoking when i was at my fren's place cos her bro smokes, but i think i wasn't allowed or i was scared to try. haha.. when frens asked y i didn turn up for sch, i just said "stomach ache". when t'chers asked for MC/letter, i just said "FORGOT TO BRING" which was so untrue cos i didn't managed to dupe my mama into giving me her signature ): and then after that, i still skipped school for 2 days! i still rmb the day i got caught... sch mini funfair, my P5 aft called me in to the general office and she called my mama ): ya, that's how both my parents and t'chers realised i was lying to them all the while. haiz. what a "fun"fair. and these pals kept encouraging me by cursing that t'cher lah. LOL. they were great lah. bcos of them, i went for P5 camp. and bcos of them, i hated P5 camp so much. yea, cos i was hurt emotionally. painful. not only in school, even in church. i really hated them for treating me like that. yea, what is it which affect this whole friendship thingy right? it's bcos of smth stupid. real stupid. not only last week, did i finally managed to let these go. this bondage. haiz. but if i were to look at the other angle, i'm really grateful to God. whatever He had done to me then, it came at the right time. =D if i'm still sticking to them during secondary schooldays, i can bet a million dollars that i will live in regrets! cos all of them ain't doing well either. one quit school when she was in sec 2, one repeated sec3 NA, another was in sec1 express, den sec2 NA, den sec3 NT, den repeated sec3. another in NA thru-out 4 yrs, and didn't do well for N. etc. i can never imagine myself. u know the happiness i felt when i managed to get into express for PSLE. cos they were still my classmates and all of them couldn make it to express (: i tot to myself that i don't hafta see them anymore!! many things in secondary school, esp during sec 1&2 days. i didn't change at all. i continued shoplifting ):
the time when i changed completely? when i meet rachel in sec3. she was my pillar of strength and encouragement. like i mentioned, i was supposed to retain when i was in sec3 cos i calculated that i didn managed to get the 3 subj pass criteria. we worked tgt at ETY some where during OCT`05, and patrick asked smth like "next yr O lvl hor" I wanted to tell him so much that i'll take in 2 yrs time while rachel takes it next yr. i was super pessimistic (oops). but rachel told him and assured me that we'll take Os tgt next yr! what a good encouragement! whereas i protrayed myself as a bad christian. instead of encouraging her, i would suan her, put her down. i showed my true colours. even i didn't know. come to think of it, i hate myself for being such a person. i would show my temper, say vulgarities, and then i'll still say i'm a christian. what's a christian in her eyes now? it seems no difference from being a non-christian. i know that whatever i do, be it sms-ing, calling, chatting online, etc, this friendship will never be the same anymore. cos of me.
so why am i a christian? to find love from God. to find acceptance from Him.
1:35 AM
