jeudi, décembre 09, 2021

27 weeks of CPTP has gone by, half mark! I am just gonna publish this post because I do not want to leave it in draft mode. I need to keep a record of my daily activity, I will try to start journaling down again here LOL. can't believe it has been close to 20 years since i started this blog. 

The past 27 weeks hasn't been easy. During this period (and even before training started), i really regretted making this decision to come on board. I wasn't expecting it to be this, why like that, why must I change, what must I do, how do i do it, it's so tiring, etc etc. As you can see, endless complains and murmuring and thoughts running through my head. What more, because of COVID, this missions commitment is dragging for a longer period (though on paper, it is still 1 year).

It is in our VFC-DNA to go for missions, I want to go at least once, I really wanna experience and be a part of it.

But I really did not know it was going to be this difficult... I must say, I am not that kind who is interested in past missionaries' experiences before I stepped into this training officially. So I never actually listened or understand their thoughts, feelings etc. I am sorry that I lack empathy in this area. It wasn't until the training started in June, then I realised that all these while, I formed an impractical image of how mission training is etc. Ok, just not realistic image.

During the 1st 17 weeks of training, it wasn't easy.

I asked a lot more past missionaries for their experiences. They were very open and real, they shared all their struggles and testimonies. Yet at the end of it, they were all still so happy and thankful to God and church for such an experience in missions. There were so many insights from them, when they shared with me. I also started to look through their IG/FB especially during their missions tenure, etc. 

These were a few insights I gained -

1) Die to self/flesh

2) depend on God, Jesus, Holy Spirit

3) Communication within the team aka new family

4) Strong support back in Singapore/home

5) it is still DIE TO SELF! you cannot think of self anymore. when you work, you must really work for God, that means whoever that God place over me (my TL, my SC)

To say the truth, I struggled. I really struggled. There were many unhappiness in my head that time. The team thrashed things out by the end of week 17 which was very good. If we are fighting a battle within the team, how can we fight when we go out on field.

There are a few things that I am trying to change.

1) my facial countenance especially in the morning (why show black face, tired look, frowning)

2) acknowledge people when they are talking (respect and to show that I am listening)

3) be more affirmative in my words (encourage and build up one another)

4) eating habits (why so picky)

5) smile smile smile

^ I really need to improve luh. So I also typed out here for accountability to self.

oh no, i also struggle a lot in prayer. really.

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This is the first time in VFC missions history that we are working on digital missions. no thanks to Covid.. We were planned to start training in Oct 2020 and return in Sep 2021. But plans got pushed back and we started in Jun 2021 and will end by May 2022 (for team members). There are 5 teams (4 to Japan and 1 to the Philippines) that started training together and another 2 teams started in Oct 2021. So right now, 6 teams are waiting to enter Japan and 1 team to the Philippines.

So we have been and still doing online digital missions/outreaches to the people in Japan. Never before but still thank God for opportunities to talk the people in Japan (technology ftw). That aside, I thank God for a big breakthrough in October week 18 onwards) where we started having people etc.

I am not too sure, but right now is another period / season of drought again! :( 

I feel so tired of asking and inviting the same group of people into events etc. 

They are either all offline, read but not replying, not reading, or just not interested.

But yet again, if they are not interested, i think it is easier to move on too.

I'm feeling physically tiring again. The hours are really long. Even when I sleep and wake up the next morning, I do not feel rejuvenated. I feel more tired. I struggle in Intercessory Prayer and social media designing, but I am thankful for the teams that is supporting and helping me too. 

No one said that Missions were going to be easy, true. Just that I had to tear down the image that I had and continue to trust in God in whatever that I do.